Abnormality & Numbness

Assalamualaikum, to whoever may be reading this, I've decided to write a post on to relaying my thoughts on what may seem to be numb. It's a long post, but something to think about. Before so, I'll open up with a short poem I wrote sometime around last year, 2014.

"Seasons change yet I remain,
Sky and seas are seen to stain,
The river flows silently with the dark rain,
As these days goes by, just like the pain

Yet, these sheltered pain are seen,
By you, yourself who destructs with a knife,
You search high and low to avoid sin,
Only to end up in An Abnormal Life"

Having held on to this, some may be thinking, what exactly am I relaying through this poem. It's not exactly the question that should be asked, neither answered, but relate this thought to your life, yourself.

Since 2009, I have been blogging and writing things that I'd like to share the society with, and that includes in me receiving some emails from some readers seeking for advices and just to share it in means of someone to talk to, for that, I'm grateful that you've put faith in me in trying to be there in certain ways.

What does this have to do with the poem? Answer: nothing, but something.

Ironic isn't it? But what I mean is that, is a question, how is it that we are helping people, in so many ways, yet, when it comes to us, those "blank, black outs" spreads wildfire through your mind, and heart cause you to not know to react to it: numbness.

Obviously everyone in this world has problems of their own, there's two types of problem: the ones they see, the ones only you see.

"The ones you only see"
It kills you. I've been there. Still there. To the point of "sin" in ways of thoughts, verbal, actions, to even go against God and people and end up thinking: "is this right? Am I right in feeling this? What am I going to do? Am I still sane? Should I do this? Should I do that?"

I'm sure everyone had ATLEAST an episode of this, in being numb.

Thinking about this 3 AM, clearly shows that I'm thinking about a lot of things. Honestly speaking, I myself have gone through those episodes. I think again; how long will I be able to go through this though?

But then you think, despite nothing changing, there are ATLEAST things that you can be happy still about. Despite the negativity that conceives your mind, know that there is hope. I think-, no I know, the point of me suddenly wanting to relay these thoughts are to give hope to everyone, including myself, that In Shaa Allah, everything will be fine. If not now, later. If never, it won't be forever for you. Hence know, there's always a reason to live and smile.

As hard as bad as the problem may be where you want to hit the person or just scream, tell yourself that it's ok to cry, it's ok to be weak. You're only human after all. Tell yourself, you'll be ok. Take your time to get back up. It's ok to feel sad and negative , cause without that, no positivity would come with it. It's also ok to have positivity most of the time, because the doubts that comes with it are lessons that you turn for in the future.

There's so much things to learn, we never stop learning something everyday.


That ends the post here. Till then, stay strong. I'll try to as well, together with everyone.

PS: I'll post updates very soon. x

-Nana